About Me

In the past 10+ years living and working in San Francisco, I've had a front row seat to how technology & dating have evolved, and not always for the better. I heard it constantly from friends: bad matches, ghosting, burnout. The apps were supposed to make this easier. They didn't.

In that same time, I spent 8 years in committed relationships. Two of them, I thought I was going to get married. I was wrong both times. That kind of thing forces you to get honest with yourself. What did I miss? What do I actually need? Where did my thinking go wrong? I dug into my patterns, my boundaries, how I show up in conflict, what compatibility really looks like when you strip away the version you had in your head.

In 2025, I came out of a long term relationship and was thrown back into the dating world. As an Asian man in San Francisco, I already knew the numbers on dating apps weren't in my favor. Research shows that Asian men get the fewest matches on every major app. I wasn't going to win by swiping. So I didn't bother.

Instead, I leaned into what I could control. I took time to understand my needs and goals. I worked on how I present myself, how I start conversations, how to make someone feel like they're the only person in the room. That summer, after years of being in relationships, I went on 10 dates in 10 weeks. All in person. No apps, no matchmakers, just being out.

That's the gap I work in. Most men in the Bay Area are highly capable people who've spent more time optimizing their work or hobbies than thinking about how to have a great conversation or build an intentional relationship. That's just the culture here. When you're focused on building great technology, the human element often gets left behind.

I work 1-on-1 with men (and some women) who are ready to stop spinning their wheels and build real skills for real life. Maybe you've been stuck in a pattern, burned out from the apps but too tired to try a different angle. Maybe you're coming out of a long term relationship like I was, and want to shake off the rust and find the right partner. No matter where you're coming from, we figure out what's holding you back, build a roadmap, and do the work to get you there.

No scripts. No pickup lines. No tricks. I don't do therapy. I don't give generic advice. Just the work that actually leads to the relationship you want.

-Chen Z Li