About Me

In the past 10+ years living and working in San Francisco, I've had a front row seat to how technology & dating have evolved, and not always for the better. I heard it constantly from friends: bad matches, ghosting, burnout. The apps were supposed to make this easier. They didn't.

In that same time, I spent 8 years in committed relationships. Two of them, I thought I was going to get married. I was wrong both times. That kind of thing forces you to get honest with yourself. What did I miss? What do I actually need? Where did my thinking go wrong? I dug into my patterns, my boundaries, how I show up in conflict, what compatibility really looks like when you strip away the version you had in your head.

In 2025, I came out of a long term relationship and was thrown back into the dating world. As an Asian man in San Francisco, I already knew the numbers on dating apps weren't in my favor. Research shows that Asian men get the fewest matches on every major app. I wasn't going to win by swiping. So I didn't bother.

Instead, I leaned into what I could control. I took time to understand my needs and goals. I worked on how I present myself, how I start conversations, how to make someone feel like they're the only person in the room. That summer, after years of being in relationships, I went on 10 dates in 10 weeks. All in person. No apps, no matchmakers, just being out.

That's the gap I work in. Most men in the Bay Area are highly capable people who've spent more time optimizing their work or hobbies than thinking about how to have a great conversation or build an intentional relationship. That's just the culture here. When you're focused on building great technology, the human element often gets left behind.

I work 1-on-1 with men (and some women) who are ready to stop treating dating like an endless grind and start building real skills for the real world. Maybe you're burned out from the apps, or maybe you're coming out of a long-term relationship like I was and want to find the right partner without relying on an algorithm. No matter where you're starting from, we focus on what you can actually control. We work on how you show up, how you start conversations, and how to build the kind of presence that naturally attracts a great relationship.

No scripts. No pickup lines. No tricks. I don't do therapy. I don't give generic advice. Just the work that actually leads to the relationship you want.

-Chen Z Li